Sleepless Nights
by Georgy-Girl
Summary: This is a series of one shots about sleepless nights. Mostly Jonnie, but other characters will have chapters as well. Author's name will appear at the top of each chapter.
1. Stubbornness

_Author: Me._

* * *

Giving a frustrated sigh, Connie rolled from her side onto her back to stare at the ceiling. It was almost 2 am and sleep still evaded her despite the fact she was tired. She knew why, as well, and that frustrated her even more. Jacob had stayed at her house every night for the last month and she was used to his presence. A sound sleeper, whenever she couldn't sleep she would listen to his even breathing or rest her head on his chest to listen to his strong, steady heartbeat, but now he wasn't there and it was her fault.

Giving another sigh, Connie rolled back onto her side and stared at the illuminated numbers on the clock. Jacob had asked for her backing that day and she hadn't given it. Worried people would think she was only siding with him because of their relationship, Connie had backed the other person despite knowing Jacob was in the right.

Jacob had even understood her stance and had come to her office after his shift. An apology and he would forget about it. But Connie couldn't back down. She didn't want to show weakness, and agreeing that she had been worried about what people would think would have shown it. So she had yelled at him, told him that she had agreed with the other person because they were correct. Now she lay alone in bed and unable to sleep, and it was her fault.

…

2am and Jacob was unable to sleep. Despite the fact Connie had sided against him, despite the fact she had yelled at him and refused to apologise, Jacob had forgiven her. He'd forgiven her in an instant because he knew she yelled because she felt guilty. Yet his stupid male pride would not let him go to her even though he found himself unable to sleep without her presence. She was a light sleeper who tossed and turned, and without that movement, the cool hands pressing every so often to his chest as she nestled into him, Jacob found himself unable to sleep.

With a sigh, Jacob rolled onto his side and stared at the illuminated numbers on the clock, willing them to change, because he knew he had to get up in four hours and he knew he wouldn't sleep.

…

The phone ringing made Connie unreasonably angry. She wasn't asleep and she wanted to go into work for something to focus on, but them calling her brought a scowl to her face. "Connie Beauchamp," She snapped.

"I miss you."

Connie frowned and pulled the phone from her ear to check the caller ID. "Jacob?"

On the other end of the line there was a cough and then a sniff before a croaking voice repeated, "I miss you."

I miss you, too. I'm sorry, and I want you here beside me so much. "You sound terrible," Was all she actually offered.

Jacob gave a soft laugh that turned into a cough. "Thanks."

I want to hold you and make you feel better, because I feel every ache you have as though it's my own. I've never felt like that about anyone before. "Is there something you wanted?"

Jacob sighed then, for he knew Connie Beauchamp would never give and say she missed him too, or apologise for what happened at work. When they were together, the walls occasionally came down, but when they were apart it was as though the together had never existed. "I want to come over."

Connie nibbled her lip. She wanted him to come over, she wanted to make him feel better, she wanted to wake up next to him. "To share your cold?"

Jacob gave another sigh. This soft approach was not working, his head ached and he wanted nothing more than to be in bed with his favourite person. "I'm coming over. Unlock the front door and I'll be there soon." With that, the line went dead.

…

When her alarm went off the next morning, Connie groaned. It was entirely too early for it to be going off. Another groan came from her lips when her eyes flickered open and she found a strong ray of sunshine burning into her eyes.

But a smile also came to her lips, for she found herself in an unusual position. Usually, she would curl up to Jacob's side in her sleep, but today it was Jacob who was curled up to her, effectively pinning her to the bed. His slightly warm cheek rested on her shoulder, an arm fell across her middle and one strong leg rested between her own. The quiet absurdity brought giggles tumbling from her lips and before she could stop it she whispered to him, "I missed you too, muscles."

"Can I get that in writing?" Came a croak.

"How about I just show you?"

As she felt Jacob smile against her skin, Connie added, "By making you a honey and lemon for your throat and by getting you some paracetamol."

"I knew there was a reason I loved you, Connie from Peckham." Jacob rolled away from her and onto his back, immediately beginning to cough. "I forgive you, by the way."

"For?" Connie pulled her dressing gown on, her back to Jacob.

"For being stubborn."

"I'm not stubborn."

"you are."

"I'm not!" Connie turned with her hands on her hips and favoured the man in bed with a glare, which forced laughter mixed with a cough to fall from his lips.

"You are, mum." Came a voice from down the hall as Grace walked to the bathroom.

Giving a huff, Connie stomped down the stairs, but once alone in the kitchen, she allowed herself to smile. Jacob was back in her bed, and that meant she would sleep well tonight.


	2. Pain

_Author: VictoriaEsme_

* * *

It's only 9pm and she's already in bed. Her whole body aches but the worst ache of all is the one in her heart. The heart that aches for him. It's been perhaps the longest day of her life and certainly one of the worst. She was on the way to work, having dropped Grace at school, when a car attempted to overtake but instead collided into her.

She'd spent the day as a patient in her own department and at times could have sobbed at the indignity of it all. She longed for Jacob only to find out that his conference in the South had been extended and as a result, she'd desperately begged Charlie not to call him. Somehow she'd escaped with only bruising but now laid in bed her body was beginning to ache despite the painkillers she'd been supplied with. Her head too was pounding and every time she closed her eyes she was back in that car, alone and scared.

Connie gave a heavy sigh, a whimper lost of her lips as she attempted to roll over, her whole body aching. His name too is lost on her lips, despite how much she aches for him also. She reminds herself that he'll be back tomorrow and let's herself believe even for the briefest of moments that perhaps she'll even let him look after her. She knows she won't. Connie gives another sigh, desperately hoping that sleep will wash over her. She knows it won't, not when he is not beside her.

...

It's a little after 9pm and Jacob knows he won't be sleeping tonight. He finds himself apologising profusely to the conference manager as he shields himself from the rain and races towards the car. Grace had rang not long ago, the words car accident and Connie blurring in Jacob's mind. He's very aware that he needs to get back to her. He's even more aware that they'll both feel unsettled until their together. Safely in the drivers seat he lets out a shaky outward breath before wasting no time starting the engine.

The driving conditions are treacherous and if it's not the harsh rain beating down on his windscreen, it's the wind threatening to push his car off the road. He silently prays for his safety because he doesn't know what he'll do if he can't get back to her. She needs him and he knows it. She knows it too but she'd never admit it. He's glad that Grace also knows how much her mother needs him and was courageous enough to ring him.

The drive is long but he doesn't stop. It's made even longer by road works and flooding but he doesn't give up. He knows she's lying awake but longs to sleep. He also knows that she won't let herself sleep until he's there. When he pulls up outside her home (which is now his home too, she says) he can see that the bedroom lamp is on. Jacob wastes no time clambering from the car and letting himself in.

Not wanting to startle her, Jacob calls her name as he reaches the landing. At first Connie is sure she is dreaming but when he repeats himself her heart gives a happy skip.

"It's me. I've miss you so much" he offered softly. His words are few but he doesn't need to say anything else. She knows for she feels it too.

Jacob's breathe is nearly drawn from his body at the sight of hers, covered in scratches and bruises. He can only imagine her pain and carefully clambers onto the bed bedside her, holding her body as best he can.

"What can I do?" He whispers into the darkness, his hands running through her hair, his lips everywhere as he attempts to kiss every part of her body that might be causing her pain. There's a lot of kisses to be given.

"Hold me" she mumbles, her eyes already growing heavy. "It wasn't the same here without you" she adds softly. Jacob gives a smile for he knows it's the closest he's going to get to an 'I missed you'.

Connie thinks it's perhaps a combination of his hands in her hair and his heartbeat that finally allows her to drift off to sleep. His heartbeat is the main comfort, a reminder that they are both still very much alive and thankfully together once more.

When she wakes a little after midnight in needs of painkillers he's already there with the medication in one hand and a glass of water in the other. When she wakes at 3am and is suddenly violently sick after a shattering nightmare, he's there without judgement and keeps a soothing hand on her back until she feels better. He's there to dry the tears that never fall and hold a cold flannel to her face until her night sweats are gone. She snaps a little bit he knows it's only because she's both scared and embarrassed. Instead of rising her snipes he kisses her in return and she eventually falls back to sleep.

...

When she awakes at 6am determined to go to work he's there once more, an amused smile on his lips.

"No work today sweetcheeks" he tells her softly.

"Jacob, I have to!" She protests, frustrated as she struggles to move without pain in every limb.

"No, no, no" Jacob tells her with a wag of his finger. "What you need to do is stay here with me, watch films, rest and let me look after you".

Connie falls silent because that sounds like a day she could really do with.

"Charlie will send you home anyway so why don't you just stay here with me and save yourself the trouble?" He asks. There's a look in his eye which makes her believe him and she gives a small shrug.

When he gets Grace ready for school and drops her at the gates Connie is forced to realise that perhaps just today she needs to let herself be loved and looked after. When he gets back from the school and clambers into bed beside her once more with both painkillers and tea Connie gives a grateful smile.

"Jacob?" She asked as she rests her head upon his chest, her gaze focused on the TV in front of them.

"Mmm?" He replies, silently rubbing pain relief gel into her aching limbs.

"I missed you" she finally admits, her voice as timid as he's ever known it. Jacob gives a grin and silently vows not to leave her again.


	3. Separation

_Author:Georgy-girl_

"The little bundle in her arms had finished nursing almost half an hour ago, but Zoe was loathe to put her back in her crib. An unexpected surprise from her old life, the girl had mades Zoe's life complete in a way she had never expected. Ruby had long, dark eyelashes, rosy pink lips and a shock of dark hair on her head that still made her mother smile. When her eyes were open, which wasn't often, people were always surprised at their piercing blueness, and Zoe was often forced to show them a photo of Ruby's father.

Standing with the baby held securely to her, Zoe walked to the window to look out at the city that stretched as far as the eye could see. She still found it hard to believe that this was her life now. A place far from where she'd grown up, where she had studied, fallen in love, worked, and made friends. A few months ago she might have called it a place far from home, but now home lay in her arms scrunching up her tiny button nose at the cool air.

Sighing, Zoe tightened the blanket that wrapped around her daughter and walked to the wall that the bed head pressed against. A warm palm pressed flat against it as she thought of the man in the next apartment. He'd appeared from nowhere one day, saying he had tried but he couldn't live without her. To the surprise of both of them, it was Zoe who instigated this separated life they lived. She wanted to start again. She wanted their life together to be without the pain it had seen in the past. She wanted the life with her family to be perfect. And it was, except during long nights like this when she ached to speed up the process so that Ruby's father could lie beside her every night. Her heart cried out for his gentle touch, his reassuring words and the smile of overwhelming love that lit his face whenever he saw his daughter.

On the other side of the wall, Max sat on the edge of the bed doing what he did almost every night since they'd come to this arrangement- He listened. He'd heard Ruby wake up, he'd heard Zoe's soft murmurings and he'd heard the creak of Zoe sitting in the rocking chair, but since then there had been nothing. He ached to be in that room with them, holding them both and being the family he so longed for them to be. But he was here, alone and desperate for company.

He understood why Zoe had chosen this life of segregation, but he still hated it. She seemed to think it would make them stronger, but to him it felt as though they were growing further and further apart. He'd tried to tell her, he'd tried to say that an important element of their relationship was their need to be close to one another, but this had only upset Zoe. Now he tried not to talk about it. He tried to make their time together the best it could be.

Sighing, Max turned to look at the wall behind his bed and slowly lifted a hand, pressing it flat against the cool surface. It was the only way he could feel close to the two most important people in his life.

Zoe pulled her hand away from that same wall with a frustrated sigh. She'd been so adamant about their arrangements and caused so many arguments that she had no right to ask Max to come over. He was probably asleep, as he should be because he had done nothing wrong- things going wrong was always her fault, and maybe this was another example of that.

Maybe she should trust Max enough to allow him to make the rules. Maybe she should allow him to decide how or where they lived. Maybe she should stop worrying about doing the wrong thing and instead enjoy this precious time in Ruby's life.

"Max." It came out as a whisper, followed by a jump as she thought she heard a key in the lock. Only one person had a key, yet surely he hadn't heard her. She's been as quiet as she could possibly be.

"Zoe?"

She turned to the doorway, her heart banging in her chest.

"Zoe."

When Max opened his arms, despite all her worry, Zoe stepped into them without a thought. "Stay. Please."

Max dropped a kiss to her head and then to Ruby's. Here with his family, all Max's loneliness and worry faded away. Here with his family, life was perfect.


	4. Nightmares

_Author: VictoriaEsme and I_

Not for the first time, he can't sleep because he's worried about her. Ever since the car accident she's been having nightmares and he's even more worried about her because she refuses to discuss them with him. She's been trying to conceal them from him, pretending that they are not happening. Last night however she woke him with a strangled sob when a particularly bad nightmare caught her off guard. Subsequently she's forcing him to sleep in the spare room, too embarrassed that he was allowed to see the momentary chink in her armour.

Jacob gives a heavy sigh as he rolls onto his side. He's uncomfortable, tired and worried. It's a struggle to sleep without her anyway but tonight he can barely settle for he's unsure whether she too is lying awake or is asleep but scared.

In the room at the other end of the hall, Connie was frustrated with herself. She wanted so much to be looked after, to be able to relax and just admit she was struggling, but she couldn't seem to let herself. She got close occasionally, but then she would remember another time she had let her walls down only to be hurt. In her heart she knew Jacob wasn't like that, but Connie's head had always ruled over her heart.

A frustrated groan left Connie's lips and she sat up, drawing her knees to her body. She still hurt, there were still bruises and cracked ribs, but she wouldn't take pain killers, because they signalled weakness. Signalled it to whom, she was unaware.

Her eyes stayed focused on the doorway, both willing Jacob to come back and willing him to stay away, because she saw the hurt in his eyes every time she pushed him away. He was hurting too, and she was making it worse.

She desperately wants to talk to Jacob about the dreams because she's sure that they aren't what he's expecting. The dreams are about the accident but instead of being at a conference, Jacob is ignoring Connie because she's pushed him away. Jacob is driving the car that crashes into hers and one of them always dies on impact. Sometimes it herself and she's forced to listen to Jacob confess his love over his lifeless body. Other times it's him that dies and she's forced to live without telling him how much she loves him. She normally wakes a little after that with a strangled sob, angry at herself for being such a closed book and frustrated that she can't seem to change, no matter how much she loves him.

Connie gave a frustrated sigh, tears threatening in her eyes as her ribs begin to ache. She thinks for a brief moment that she deserves the pain for all the trouble she has caused. She's close to letting herself cry before she gives an angry growl, frustrated at herself for being so weak and self pitying. A period of mentally chastising herself follows and in that moment not even the worst of Connie's enemies could have hated Connie as much as she hated herself.

Jacob hears a noise from the main bedroom, but spends a long time considering whether or not he should go back there. He wants to, desperately, but there was only so much rejection a person could take. If just once she would tell him that she needed him, he could put up with her pushing him away, but the more she pushed the less he wanted to push back. Maybe it was him that reminded her of the accident and caused her pain. After all, he had been on the phone with her at the time. Maybe the best thing he could do for her was to leave her alone.

He knew as soon as the thought came that it would be impossible. Connie was almost like a drug to him, and the less he saw her the more he needed her. It was this feeling that eventually led to him standing. He walked slowly, quietly down the hallway, hoping that Connie was finding some peace in her sleep finally, but when he got to the doorway of the bedroom, he found her sitting up, her knees drawn to her chest.

He opened his mouth to say her name, but he knows if he alerts her to his presence before he reaches the bed that she will tell him to leave. So instead, he makes his way to the bed, looking so big and empty despite the woman that was in it.

"Hey you" he greets softly, his voice lost a little in the darkness. Before Connie can register his presence he's on the bed beside her, his arms wrapped tightly around her body. He gives a gentle squeeze and even though a pain shoots through her ribs she doesn't mind because it's a reminder that they're both here, alive and together. A stark contrast from her horrible recurring nightmare.

"I couldn't sleep" he tells her softly.

"Me either" she murmurs, her voice no more than a whisper. "I wanted to talk to you" she suddenly admits, aware that if she doesn't say it now she probably never will.

"What about?" Jacob asked carefully, his lips pressing soft kisses into her forehead. Connie falls silent, unsure how to voice the thoughts that had been keeping her awake.

"The accident, the nightmares" she begins, her voice timid. "I'm really sorry" she finally concludes, unsure of what to say.

"Why are you sorry?" Jacob asked softly, another kiss finding its way to her forehead.

"The nightmares. I shouldn't be having them, I just don't know how to make them stop" she admits, struggling to overcome the lump in her throat.

"I know how to," Jacob speaks softly into her hair, breathing in the perfume that is so familiar to him.

"How?"

Connie sounds so vulnerable and scared that Jacob's heart begins to break. Maybe he should let her keep her walls up. It offered her protection, but it offered it to him, too. He loved her, and her pain was now his. "You tell me about them."

Connie shakes her head, but can longer get words to leave her mouth, the lump in her throat making it almost too painful to breathe, let alone speak.

Jacob presses another kiss to her forehead and his arms tighten for a moment again, making what little breath Connie is able to draw come in a sharp, cold blast. "...Am I in your nightmare?" He finally manages quietly, fighting against his own throat wanting to constrict to prevent him from asking the question that worries him mist.

Connie offers only a nod. When she tilts her head back to try and see Jacob's face in the dark, he offers her s perfectly broken smile, and in that moment she knows he is plagued by nightmares, too. So she fights against her head and goes with her heart. Connie tells him about her nightmares.

At first her words are slow and jumbled as she retells the story to Jacob. His heart quickens and slows in his horror. Soon her story changes not to what happened but what happens in her nightmares. As he recounts her night terrors Jacob finds himself struggling against the lump in his own throat but he tries to focus on Connie who is so close to tears.

He commends her strength because she never once gives into the sob that is playing on her lips. When she's done he holds her close, his hands playing with her hair. Jacob is surprised when her breathing begins to even out and even more surprised when he finds that she's fallen asleep.

Despite her slumber Jacob continues to talk to her, assuring her that she is safe and certainly well looked after.

"I won't let anything happen to you ever again" he promised her quietly, his voice muffled by the kisses he places in her hair. "You're so brave and I hope you know that I've never loved anyone more than I love you".

He takes until her body relaxes and although he waits up ready to soothe her when her nightmare comes.

He is as surprised as Connie when she wakes the following morning, nightmare free for the first time since the accident.


	5. Grumbling

_Author: VictoriaEsme_

She'd gone to bed earlier than usual and Jacob had questioned her with a frown. Connie had shrugged and simply announced that she was tired, for it had been a long and busy day of board meetings and budget reviews. Jacob had showered her with kisses hoping to bring a smile to her lips but she'd softly pressed her own lips to his cheek before climbing the stairs.

He'd checked on her no more than an hour later to find her asleep, the latest edition of a surgical journal over her chest. Jacob smiles as he takes the journal from her, remembering not to fold the pages. He'd made that mistake once and certainly wouldn't do it again. Connie stirs as he pulls the duvet over her but doesn't wake, for which he's grateful.

It's another hour later when he checks on her again, this time ready for bed himself. Jacob is surprised to see her sat up, her knees brought to her chest and the journal in front of her once more.

"Okay?" He asks, frowning at the way her shoulders are slumped. Despite the journal open in front of her, Connie's eyes are closed and she's biting on her lip. Hearing Jacob her eyes fly open and she manages a small nod. "You were asleep when I came up earlier" Jacob tells her, a flicker of concern passing over his features.

"I woke up again" she replies giving a shrug. She offers no more and Jacob knows better than to push her. Silently undressing he climbs into bed beside her, noticing how she remains sat up, knees to her chest.

"Not tired?" Jacob asks curiously, for she would normally sidle onto his side of the bed before resting her head on his chest. Connie shakes her head. Jacob frowns again but rolls over, settling his head into his pillow.

...

He must have fallen asleep because he's woken sometime later by Connie fidgeting. When he rolls over its to find the lamp finally off. Connie is lying down but her knees are still drawn to her chest and his frown deepens as she fidgets again, as if unable to find a comfy position to lay.

"Connie?" Jacob mumbles into the darkness. She turns to face him with an exasperated sigh. "Are you okay?" He asks, blinking harshly as he tries to make her out in the darkness.

"It's my appendix" she tells him with a grumble. Jacob feels his tired haze instantly lift as he struggles to sit up, flicking on the beside lamp. He looks at her for a long moment, feeling stupid for finally realising that she had her knees to her chest to lessen the pain in her abdomen. Her hand rubbed circles into her middle but the pain didn't ease. She winces and hopes Jacob doesn't notice as she scrambles to sit up.

"Are you sure it's not just period pain?" Jacob asks hopefully. Connie rolls her eyes with another exasperated sigh.

"It's definitely my appendix" she tells him, giving a groan as the pain returned along with the familiar bout of sickness that had been following her all day.

"How do you know?" Jacob flapped, unsure what he should be doing to help her. Connie didn't get a chance to reply as she scrambled for the bed and rushed towards the bathroom. Jacob was by her side before she could even make it to the door. Connie knelt on the floor grateful to find Jacob's hand in the small of her back rubbing soothing circles as she gave into the nausea which overwhelmed her.

"Better?" Jacob asked softly when she lent back, the acidity still burning in her throat. Connie gave a nod as she silently turned to him, letting Jacob wrap his arms around her. She debated pulling away, embarrassed but stayed still allowing herself to feel as ill as she was, if only for a brief moment.

"Let's get you back to bed. I'll call Charlie to come and get Grace and then we'll go into the ED" Jacob told her softly, pressing kisses into her hair despite the smell of sick the lingered.

"I don't need to go the the hospital" she tells him adamantly but her words give way to another groan of pain.

"Now is not the time to be stubborn sweetcheeks" Jacob tells her giving a grin despite the way his heart hammered against his chest. Connie shakes her head adamantly.

They spend the next hour arguing. Jacob manages to get Connie back into bed but she's adamant she doesn't need a doctor.

"I am a doctor" she tells him indignity, closing her eyes as the pain washes over her again.

"Your appendix might have burst" Jacob reminds her, hoping to scare her just enough to make her agree to seeing a doctor. Connie shakes her head.

"It used to happen all the time" Connie admits a little while later when the pain has begun to ease and she's feeling a little less irritable. She's managed to settle in his arms, his hand rubbing soothing circles into her abdomen. Her head is on his chest and she focuses on his heartbeat instead of the pain and sickness. "When I was young I was always in and out of hospital with it. They never took it out".

"Has it happened since?" Jacob asked, his hand moving to her back when the colour drains from her face. Jacob tries to stop the nausea which washes over her and soon she relaxes back into his embrace. She nods.

"Up until I had Grace. It stopped then". She pauses before adding "until now. It'll go soon" she tells him hopefully. Jacob nodded as he pressed a kiss into her hair.

"Promise me you'll get checked over tomorrow, just to be sure?" Jacob asks carefully.

Connie rolls her eyes but still give a soft "promise".

...

It's a little after 3am by time the pain has eased enough to let her sleep. She's been sick again and Jacob is a little worried she's going to go downhill, but she doesn't. Jacob runs his hands absently though her hair hoping to ease her into a natural sleep. He thinks about how brave she is as she quietly admits to suffering the pain for two days. He tells her off softly but she shrugs. In the past two days she's been to work, attended meetings, taking Grace bowling and consoled him after loosing a patient. Not at any time did she let on that she was in pain and he feels guilty that shes suffered alone.

"Why don't we have tomorrow off?" Jacob asks softly.

"Can't, too much to do" Connie replies. Jacob gives a soft laugh at the absurdity of her work ethic.

"The afternoon at least?" He asks hopefully. Connie shrugs.

"I'll see". Her voice trails a little and Jacob can tell she's close to falling asleep. It's been a long night and he knows her alarm will go off in three hours and she'll get up, without complaint.

"You're the most ridiculous woman I've ever met" Jacob tells her with a grin, knowing that if he kept talking she was bound to fall asleep. "But I love you so much. You're brave, courageous, selfless..."

Connie scoffs but he carries on.

"You are. Beautiful, intelligent, loyal. There's no one else I'd rather spend the rest of my life with. I can picture us, old and grey but still so full of life and love. Grace will bring us grandchildren and we'll have our golden years". He can see Connie smiling despite the sleepy haze that engulfed her.

"I hope we do" she whispers. "I hope we'll be together until I can't even remember your name" she adds. Jacob lets out a fierce laugh and then quietens, worried about waking her. He shouldn't worry because she's asleep before he can reply.

Placing a kiss to her hair he whispers a soft "I promise" as her breathing evens out and sleep engulfs her tired frame.


	6. Pregnant

_Author: VictoriaEsme_

He's snoring obnoxiously and has been since they'd got in several hours ago. They'd worked the night shift _(and the day shift preceding it)_ and they were worn out _._ Jacob gives another irritating snore and on any other occasion she would have replied with a sharp dig to his ribs but today Connie simply gives a sigh which comes from deep within her lungs. She's exhausted. Her eyes are burning and her limbs feel heavy but there's not a single cog in her brain that's willing to stop turning and allow her to fall asleep.

 _She's scared._

Terrified in fact and she hates herself for it. She feels weak for even admitting it, if only to herself.

Connie gingerly rubs her lower abdomen in an attempt to settle her stomach, a low lying nausea nudging at the her sleepy haze. She tries to distract herself with the mid morning light that's attempting to peak through the curtains but her efforts are futile and it isn't long before she's forced to take several deep breaths to ease the nausea that feels vaguely reminiscent of a period that now feels like a lifetime ago.

Jacob and Connie had married last year on a beach, their toes in the sand and sun in their eyes. They'd had four guests in total and they'd had 14 year old Grace as their bridesmaid. That night they'd talked about children in earnest, aware that time was ticking. It had been Jacob who'd announced that he loved Grace like a daughter and frankly didn't feel like he was missing out on being a father because of his strong bond with the teenager.

 _They hadn't talked about it since._

Jacob gave a long snore reminding Connie that he was there. She hoped he would wake and stay asleep all at once as she rolled over with a sigh, the sudden movement making her feel nauseous once more.

"Connie?" Jacob grumbled, roused by her movement. Connie felt her breath hitch in her throat as she suddenly forced her eyes tightly shut, pretending to be asleep. Her heart hammered against her chest until she heard Jacob's breath even out indicating that he'd gone back to sleep.

Connie couldn't deny that she felt sick _(although she'd desperately tried to all week)._ At first she'd put it down to something she'd eaten and then a bug but in absence of her period and in addition to an unusual craving for cucumber, Connie was being forced to admit that perhaps she might be pregnant.

 _Pregnant._

It sounded absurd. She was the wrong side of 40 and already the mother to a 14 year old _(who was going on 24)._ Connie allowed a wave of fear to wash over her. She couldn't be pregnant, could she? Connie found herself wondering if she deserved the chance to be a mother once more. She hadn't exactly got it right with Grace and while their relationship had improved tenfold there was still a lot of unresolved guilt that they'd never worked though. Connie doubted that they ever would.

Jacob would good for Grace. _So good_. He helped give her the stability she so desperately needed. He could be there to pick her up from school, drop off forgotten PE kit and attend last minute netball matches whilst Connie was stuck in board meetings. He'd helped her to flourish as a kind, gentle and loving young woman. A daughter that they were _so proud_ to raise _together._ Connie allowed herself to picture them then as perhaps a family of 4 and soon a timid smile pinched at the corner of her lips. It soon faded as the fear took over once more.

Connie rolled over feeling perhaps more restless than before. She debating getting up but her legs burned at the mere thought and her sudden craving for coffee repulsed her. Connie gave a shudder but was soon forced to clamber from the bed, her hand clamped to her mouth.

She'd barely made it to the bathroom before Jacob was by her side. As she slumped by the toilet Jacob crouched beside her, one hand holding her hair from her face and the other rubbing soothing circles into the small of her back until the sickness finally subsided. Her throat burned and Connie almost let out a strangled sob. It put her in mind of being pregnant with Grace but she had been so alone and now Jacob was here and already making things better without even knowing it. Connie allowed herself to sink back into his embrace for a short moment before embarrassment took over and she scrambled to her feet, washing her face at the sink.

"What was all that?" Jacob asked softly when she straightened up, one hand holding a towel and the other hanging shakily to the sink.

"I think I'm just overtired" Connie mumbled avoiding his gaze as she dropped her eyes to the floor. Jacob frowned but found himself giving a soft nod as he opened his arms to her once more. Connie stood staring at him for a long moment before she stepped into his embrace, her shoulders finally relaxing as he held her close.

"Ready to go back to bed?" Jacob asked, his voice as soft as she'd know it. When Connie gave a nod he silently lead her back through to the bedroom. He fussed around her for a while finding her a cold glass of water and a flannel. When he clambered into bed beside her Connie instantly curled into him, her head on his chest. He'd silently noted her reluctance to do so that morning when they'd got in from work.

"Sorry I woke you" she offered then, her voice no more than a whisper. She soon felt warm, wet kisses on her forehead.

"Don't be silly" he assured her. "Do you feel better now?" Connie gave a nod despite the low lying nausea which had only threatened to settle. "Is there anything you want to talk about?" Jacob asked, absently running his hands through her hair. She'd been 'off' for a few days now and any attempt to ask her about it had been brushed off. The nurse watched as Connie considered his question for a long moment before simply stifling a yawn. Now in his arms Connie was unable to ignore her exhaustion and soon found her eyes growing heavy. Worried about being left awake when Jacob went back to sleep she quickly gave into the sleepily haze which washed over her.

Several minutes later it was Connie causing the soft snores. Jacob smiled, his lips in her hair as he kissed her softly.

"Love you" he mouthed before relaxing once more and closing his eyes, willing sleep to wash over him too.


End file.
